MAY 7 - CELEB FRAGRANCES
Updated: 09:25, Friday May 9, 2008
It seems every Tom, Dick and P Diddy is bringing out their own fragrance range.
The latest celeb to slave over a hot pot of sandalwood and ylang-ylang is R 'n B lightweight Usher with the ingeniously titled "She" for her, "He" for him and "SheHe" for Pete Burns.
And so us tellybox watchers are regularly treated to the singer's visual representation of his bottled stench in the form of a 30 second ad showing Usher himself stroking, nuzzling and generally pawing some faceless floozy. From which we can only deduce the aroma must be that of a rampant dog. Tempting.
If you're keen to spritz yourself in some famous person's smelly water but, gosh darn it, just don't know which to choose, fear not, friends - we have recruited our very own perfumier to guide you through the septum-burning world of celebrity honk juice.
Lets start with the jus-de-Posh and David otherwise known as "Instinct" and "Intimately Beckham". "A pungent concoction", says our man of the aftershave, "Almost chloroform-like in its ability to quickly numb the senses and induce an overwhelming feeling of sleepiness". And the perfume? "An undertone of vanilla with a general reek of desperation".
"Shhh" by Jade Goody: "A warm, rounded bouquet of kebab laced with beefy notes and onion".
"Fantasy" by Britney Spears. "An intense hit of freshness initially but this eau-de-toilette lacks stamina leaving a musky after-smell with hints of Jack Daniels".
"Heiress" by Paris Hilton. Our expert struggled with this perfume the most, finally concluding that it conjured up nothing more than fresh air.
"Miss You Nights" by Cliff Richard. "Hmm, there's a heavy touch of pansy to this", noted our super-conked friend, "And I'm getting stilton. Definitely stilton".
So, you see, G-Spotters, it's a veritable nasal banquet out there so select your stink with care.
And look out for the newest showbiz cologne to hit the shelves next week - "Midnight in Wapping" by Johnny Vegas.
Smell you later.
The latest celeb to slave over a hot pot of sandalwood and ylang-ylang is R 'n B lightweight Usher with the ingeniously titled "She" for her, "He" for him and "SheHe" for Pete Burns.
And so us tellybox watchers are regularly treated to the singer's visual representation of his bottled stench in the form of a 30 second ad showing Usher himself stroking, nuzzling and generally pawing some faceless floozy. From which we can only deduce the aroma must be that of a rampant dog. Tempting.
If you're keen to spritz yourself in some famous person's smelly water but, gosh darn it, just don't know which to choose, fear not, friends - we have recruited our very own perfumier to guide you through the septum-burning world of celebrity honk juice.
Lets start with the jus-de-Posh and David otherwise known as "Instinct" and "Intimately Beckham". "A pungent concoction", says our man of the aftershave, "Almost chloroform-like in its ability to quickly numb the senses and induce an overwhelming feeling of sleepiness". And the perfume? "An undertone of vanilla with a general reek of desperation".
"Shhh" by Jade Goody: "A warm, rounded bouquet of kebab laced with beefy notes and onion".
"Fantasy" by Britney Spears. "An intense hit of freshness initially but this eau-de-toilette lacks stamina leaving a musky after-smell with hints of Jack Daniels".
"Heiress" by Paris Hilton. Our expert struggled with this perfume the most, finally concluding that it conjured up nothing more than fresh air.
"Miss You Nights" by Cliff Richard. "Hmm, there's a heavy touch of pansy to this", noted our super-conked friend, "And I'm getting stilton. Definitely stilton".
So, you see, G-Spotters, it's a veritable nasal banquet out there so select your stink with care.
And look out for the newest showbiz cologne to hit the shelves next week - "Midnight in Wapping" by Johnny Vegas.
Smell you later.
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