APRIL 28th: BRITAIN'S GOT TALENT 3
Updated: 10:40, Tuesday April 29, 2008
Britain's Got Talent episode three and sadly, no furry friends featured this
week. BGT's just not the same without the obligatory non-singing, non-dancing
parrot/dog/chinchilla.
Still, we needn't have feared as there were plenty of contestants perfectly willing to fulfill the animal-element of the show by impersonating steaming piles of horse manure.
74-year old dinner-lady Brenda was one such contestant. The audience may have scoffed at her likening herself to Britney Spears but in many ways, she captured the spirit of the American popster - the lack of any descernible singing prowess; the can't-be-arsed attitude to dancing; the slight air of drug-induced bemusement...With an elevator-music backing track, Brenda trilled along to Somewhere Over the Rainbow for approximately 3 seconds before being buzzed out.
The baton of tripe was next passed to Bob Wooding, who performed a "balloon speciality act". Bob shared with us all the mesmirising magic of running around a stage in a circle and picking up different balloons along the way. That's three minutes of our lives we will never get back, folks.
Next, to double act, Vizage who, apparently, have made a decent living thank you very much from husband Sam bounding around waving umbrellas and large hankies as wife Vicki gets the words to Material Girl wrong whilst changing her clothes. T'riffic. But, according to the judges, they've got what it takes. Hey, many a Saturday night I've simultaneously got through fifteen outfits and a jazz version of Rapper's Delight but I don't have the audacity to get my other half to flap a bedsheet around, call it an 'act' and charge the public to watch.
At least little Alex Lees was entertaining. Yes, the eight-year old's singing was (somewhat disturbingly) more Shirley Bassie than Robbie Williams but his comedy act showed that for a little, loud-mouthed ginger man, he's certainly a hell of a lot funnier than Jim Davidson.
That'll be all.
Arrivederci.
Still, we needn't have feared as there were plenty of contestants perfectly willing to fulfill the animal-element of the show by impersonating steaming piles of horse manure.
74-year old dinner-lady Brenda was one such contestant. The audience may have scoffed at her likening herself to Britney Spears but in many ways, she captured the spirit of the American popster - the lack of any descernible singing prowess; the can't-be-arsed attitude to dancing; the slight air of drug-induced bemusement...With an elevator-music backing track, Brenda trilled along to Somewhere Over the Rainbow for approximately 3 seconds before being buzzed out.
The baton of tripe was next passed to Bob Wooding, who performed a "balloon speciality act". Bob shared with us all the mesmirising magic of running around a stage in a circle and picking up different balloons along the way. That's three minutes of our lives we will never get back, folks.
Next, to double act, Vizage who, apparently, have made a decent living thank you very much from husband Sam bounding around waving umbrellas and large hankies as wife Vicki gets the words to Material Girl wrong whilst changing her clothes. T'riffic. But, according to the judges, they've got what it takes. Hey, many a Saturday night I've simultaneously got through fifteen outfits and a jazz version of Rapper's Delight but I don't have the audacity to get my other half to flap a bedsheet around, call it an 'act' and charge the public to watch.
At least little Alex Lees was entertaining. Yes, the eight-year old's singing was (somewhat disturbingly) more Shirley Bassie than Robbie Williams but his comedy act showed that for a little, loud-mouthed ginger man, he's certainly a hell of a lot funnier than Jim Davidson.
That'll be all.
Arrivederci.
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