APRIL 21st: BRITAIN'S GOT TALENT 2
Updated: 10:30, Tuesday April 22, 2008
Episode 2 of Britain's Got Mental Health Problems and the laughs just keep
rolling in....
Enter impersonator David J Watson exuding all the charisma of a tin of spam and sporting a combination of two extraordinary hairstyles. To say he wowed the judges with his extensive repertoire of impressions would be, frankly, a lie. If it wasn't all over when the disappointed audience realised that his barnet was not a perfoming animal, it sure as hell was when his version of David Blunkett involved nothing more than strapping a furry banana hammock to his chin and blinking furiously. Special.
Speaking of performing animals- or not, as the case may be - ferret-lovers Caroline Smith and Judy Beyer showed there is nothing like preparation. And this truly was nothing like preparation. "It's well known that if you shake something at ferrets, they'll dance", they claimed. Yes, maybe in some alternative psychedelic Beatrix Potter universe but not, unfortunately, in a Birmingham theatre. Instead, their act ended up resembling an elaborate rodent infestation set to a euro-pop soundtrack.
It looked for a moment as though our furry friends had returned for more humiliation but although easily mistaken for a sack of agitated ferrets, the next act was, in fact, 42-year-old human Anya Sparks. No animals featured in this furious display of jiggling to Britney Spears, although Anya's rather generous puppies threatened to explode from her inadequte bra on several occasions. Visibily traumatised, Simon hit his buzzer within seconds whilst Piers sat strangely mesmerised by the writhing sexual jelly before him...
Lastly, to Madonna Decena, the Phillipino mum who, sadly, had to leave her children behind when she came to England to get work. Because, obviously, when you're hard up the sensible way to make a buck is to come to the UK and rake it in as a singer. Quite.
Presumably, during the frantic blur of flesh that was Anya's performance, her arse shook so hard that chunks flew across the room and lodged in the judges ears because to me, Madonna's voice was fantastically mediocre. "It was worth coming to Birmingham just for that act" said Simon. Were we listening to the same woman? But, wait, I'm forgetting, Madonna was obviously there as a vehicle for Amanda's weekly act of melodrama, "I know you were singing that for your babies weren't you" she blubbed. Bucket, please.....
Enter impersonator David J Watson exuding all the charisma of a tin of spam and sporting a combination of two extraordinary hairstyles. To say he wowed the judges with his extensive repertoire of impressions would be, frankly, a lie. If it wasn't all over when the disappointed audience realised that his barnet was not a perfoming animal, it sure as hell was when his version of David Blunkett involved nothing more than strapping a furry banana hammock to his chin and blinking furiously. Special.
Speaking of performing animals- or not, as the case may be - ferret-lovers Caroline Smith and Judy Beyer showed there is nothing like preparation. And this truly was nothing like preparation. "It's well known that if you shake something at ferrets, they'll dance", they claimed. Yes, maybe in some alternative psychedelic Beatrix Potter universe but not, unfortunately, in a Birmingham theatre. Instead, their act ended up resembling an elaborate rodent infestation set to a euro-pop soundtrack.
It looked for a moment as though our furry friends had returned for more humiliation but although easily mistaken for a sack of agitated ferrets, the next act was, in fact, 42-year-old human Anya Sparks. No animals featured in this furious display of jiggling to Britney Spears, although Anya's rather generous puppies threatened to explode from her inadequte bra on several occasions. Visibily traumatised, Simon hit his buzzer within seconds whilst Piers sat strangely mesmerised by the writhing sexual jelly before him...
Lastly, to Madonna Decena, the Phillipino mum who, sadly, had to leave her children behind when she came to England to get work. Because, obviously, when you're hard up the sensible way to make a buck is to come to the UK and rake it in as a singer. Quite.
Presumably, during the frantic blur of flesh that was Anya's performance, her arse shook so hard that chunks flew across the room and lodged in the judges ears because to me, Madonna's voice was fantastically mediocre. "It was worth coming to Birmingham just for that act" said Simon. Were we listening to the same woman? But, wait, I'm forgetting, Madonna was obviously there as a vehicle for Amanda's weekly act of melodrama, "I know you were singing that for your babies weren't you" she blubbed. Bucket, please.....
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